Couple counseling
by kiarcheo
Summary: For a prompt at glee fluff meme I saw ages ago that wanted Rachel becoming Brittana's confessor. Brittana pairing, Berrittana mentioned.


**I'm alive! I know, it has been ages. Sorry. I didn't wrote a words for months and then my muse came back, so here I am again. I also made a tumblr account (kiarcheo, just the same name as here); at first it was just to follow easily my fav blogs but then I thoughts...maybe I could use it to post things that are too short to be considered fanfiction and that would sit on my desktop forever...I don't know, we'll see. If you want, though, follow me! And now onto the story! I hope you like it.**

* * *

**Title: **Couple counseling

**Rating**: PG

**Pairing**: Santana/Brittany, Rachel/Santana/Brittany mentioned

**Spoilers**: Up to Sectionals so basically...no spoilers

**Disclaimer**: nothing is mine, this time not even the plot

**Summary**: for a prompt at glee_fluff_meme I saw ages ago that wanted Rachel becoming Brittana's confessor.

**Note:** English is not my first language. Thanks to **dreamlesssleep** for the help.

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Rachel strolled into the auditorium, carrying her sheet music, lost in her thoughts about new suggestions for Mr. Schuester when she heard a sniffle.

She looked around, annoyed that someone would interfere with her morning practice by using the room to moping around for one of their stupid adolescent problems. Everyone knew that this was under her reign, and only she had the right to break down there!

Her mental rant stopped when she saw who was in the room: Brittany.

It wasn't like she could proceed with her plan, the blonde wouldn't comprehend half of the things she said and seeing the easy-going girl so sad…it would have been like kicking a puppy. And Santana surely wouldn't let her live if she found out she upset Brittany.

Sighing, Rachel sat down.

"What happened?"

The other girl looked at her, not bothering to wipe away hers tears.

"Santana broke up with me"

"Oh." Rachel fell silent. "I wasn't aware that you had entered a committed relationship with her. I was under the impression that you just had sexual intercourse without any major feelings involved, apart from being best friends I mean, I know that this kind of bond requires"

"Rachel?" Brittany interrupted her, looking lost.

"Why did she break up with you?" Rachel decided to abstain from indulging in her curiosity and simply try to make Brittany leave so that she could at least sing one or two songs.

"We were making out in my room and Santana wanted to lock Kitty in the closet because she felt observed."

"Kitty?"

"My cat."

"Oh."

"And I said that I couldn't do it, because Kitty would have been sad. She is very smart, you know. She knows how to read!"

Rachel looked at her, baffled.

"And Santana got angry and left. And this morning she said that if I love Kitty more than her, I should made out with her," Brittany concluded, starting to cry again.

"Why don't you leave her outside your room?"

"Santana?"

"Your cat," Rachel stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

"Oh, but what if she get upset?"

"Santana?" now Rachel was the one confused.

"No, Kitty, silly!" Brittany giggled.

Rachel opened her mouth to retort, but then she closed it. "Well, I'm sure Kitty will understand. She is an intelligent animal, after all. You only need to explain the situation to her."

The brunette found herself engulfed in a hug, all the previous traces of sadness erased from Brittany's face.

The next day Rachel couldn't help her smile when she saw the two Cheerios walking with their pinkies linked.

ooooooo

"Berry."

Rachel gripped her books tighter, leaning against the locker while Santana hovered over her.

"Santana, I don't know what is wrong, but I'm sure that we can resolve it like civilized persons without resorting to physical method."

"What are you talking about?"

"You weren't going to hit me?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"Don't give me any ideas." Santana smirked seeing Rachel flinching. "I need your help."

"My…help?"

Santana would have enjoyed the diva's stumbling words, if she weren't in such a dire situation that actually required Berry's help.

"I fucked up with Brittany."

Rachel raised an eyebrow, both at the chosen words and waiting for her to continue.

Santana scratched her head. "I may have let it slip that her last dog is dead."

"And didn't she know it?"

"We told her that he ran away"

"And what do you want me to do?"

Rachel regretted her question, when she found herself trying to explain everything to Brittany.

"It's like a flower: it springs, grows and then it withers and it'll help other flowers to live."

"So, my dog is born again," Brittany said with furrowed brows.

'How did she go from dead flowers fertilizing the soil to animal rebirth?' was Rachel's thought, but what came out from her mouth was "Exactly!"

"And why didn't he come back to me? Doesn't he love me anymore?"

"He went to make some other kid happy." Rachel tried to prevent new waterworks.

Brittany nodded solemnly. "Did you at least bury him?" she asked seriously to Santana.

"Sure."

"Can I see his grave and say good-bye?"

Santana shot a panicked look at Rachel, who let out a sigh.

"Whose grave is this?" Santana whispered to Rachel, while the blonde was knelt, talking to an unstable wooden cross.

"My hamster."

"Your hamster?" Santana asked, a smirk comparing on her face.

"Santana, I don't think you are in the position to say anything at the moment," Rachel shut her up.

ooooooo

Rachel was washing her hair after a slushie attack, when she felt two hands joining hers. She was ready to scream, when she recognized Brittany.

The blonde continued to massage her head in silence and Rachel had no intention of complaining about the unexpected help.

"How do I say to Santana that I don't like the movie she wants to take me to see tonight?"

"How about 'Santana, I don't like that film, why don't we watch something else?" Rachel rolled her eyes behind her closed eyelids.

Brittany thought about it for a little.

"Thank you Rachel, it's perfect!" she finally exclaimed happily.

oooooooo

"Santana, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked, seeing the girl outside her dance school.

"I was waiting for you."

Rachel squeezed her eyes. "Are you stalking me?"

Santana snorted and opened her car's door. "Get in."

"Why are we in Brittany's house, when Brittany isn't here?"

Santana pointed to a heap on the floor. "This was Brittany's favorite statue."

"A…yellow duck?" Rachel looked at the fragments with a disgusted air.

"I know," Santana agreed, "but I swear that I didn't break it on purpose!"

Rachel shook her head "Why am I here?"

"Because I don't know what to do!" Santana exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Tell her."

Santana simply looked at her.

"Right, stupid idea. Throw it away?"

"She'll see that it's missing the moment she sets foot in the house. And I already tried to glue the pieces together again, not a chance."

"Accuse someone else?"

Santana smirked.

"Not me!" Rachel slapped her shoulder and for an instant she was afraid to have overstepped the boundaries, but Santana didn't react, she simply asked, "who?"

"Well, do you know someone who has a dog?"

"Yes."

"Bring it here with the excuse that you need to watch it for your friend, then, when Brittany arrives say that the dog was playing and broke it. She won't get mad at him."

"You're a genius."

ooooooo

Rachel was rubbing her wet hair with a towel when she opened her bathroom door. "Oh my…Brittany what are you doing here?" she yelled seeing the blonde sitting on her bed. "And how did you get in?" Rachel added after a second thought.

"The window" Brittany pointed to the window behind her "And I need to go shopping. I want to buy some new lingerie."

"And you're here because?" Rachel let the last word lingering, waiting for the blonde to fill the space.

"Because you're coming with me. You'll help me choose what Santana will like the best."

"Give me a minute." Rachel grabbed her clothes and went to the bathroom to change, already know that it was useless trying to say no to Brittany.

ooooooo

Rachel closed her eyes. Just two minutes and her morning work-out on the elliptical would be complete.

She reopened them and lost her rhythm.

"Santana."

The girl nodded.

"I didn't hear the bell."

"Kitchen's window."

"I really need to close them..." Rachel mumbled to herself.

"Why?" Santana had heard her.

"Last time I came out from the shower and found Brittany on my bed."

"How did she get in?"

Rachel pointed to her bedroom's window.

"Yeah, this is decidedly the best way."

The shorter brunette stared at Santana, wondering why she seemed more interested in finding the best window to use instead of why her girlfriend was in her bed….but she would let it go. Why look for trouble?

"Santana, why are you here?".

"Oh, yes. I forgot our anniversary!" the girl lost any resemblance of calm.

"Which anniversary?"

"What?"

"You know, what happened today? It's the recurrence of your first kiss? Of the day you got together? Of the first time you made love?"

"Ehm," Santana looked at her unsure.

"Anyway, I'm not sure Brittany remembered it," Rachel said, thinking about the time the blonde confessed to her that one year she forgot her own birthday.

"Right."

"Maybe you could simply buy her some flowers," Rachel was still talk but Santana was dragging her out of her room. "Where are we going?"

"To buy them, what kind of flowers do you suggest?"

ooooooo

"Hello," Rachel answered the phone sleepy.

"Hi Rachel."

Rachel let herself fall again on the bed, hearing Brittany's perky voice.

"Brit, what can I do for you?"

"Do I need to put a condom on the strap-on?"

"What?" Rachel rubbed her eyes: surely she must be dreaming.

"Yes, you know …we were thinking about using a strap-on tonight, and I don't know if I need to put a condom on it. And if yes, what flavor? I think I prefer chocolate, but..."

"Brittany," Rachel interrupted her, "A preservative (did you mean prophylactic?)is used so that the male partner can't get the female pregnant. I'm sure that, no matter how good Santana is, you won't run any risks."

"Oh."

"Good night Brittany." Rachel hung up, for once not caring about manners.

ooooooo

Rachel felt someone slipping beside her, under the sheets, and sprang out of the bed.

"Rachel, what are you doing?"

Rachel looked at the girl in her bed speechless. Was she really asking that question?

"Brit, what are you doing here?" she stressed the last word.

"Santana is away and I want to cuddle," the blonde said innocently.

Rachel looked at her alarm, before getting in bed again. She needed her sleep and she couldn't kick out Brittany anyway.

ooooooo

"I thought she came back," Rachel said, feeling her bed dipping.

"Family dinner."

"Santana?" Rachel stiffened.

"Where you expecting someone else?"

"Good night, Santana." Rachel ignored the question: she was too young to die smothered in her sleep.

ooooooo

Soon Rachel got used to it. One of the girl would slip in her bed, she would offer some kind of explanation of why she was there, and then fall asleep.

"I got into a fight with Santana," Brittany murmured, spooning Rachel, while the brunette didn't even open her eyes.

She indeed opened them when she felt the bed dipping again: she was looking in Santana's eyes.

"You fought with Brittany, I know."

"How?"

"I told her," Brittany answered from behind Rachel.

"What are you doing here?" Santana asked.

"I was sad. I hate fighting with you."

"Me too," Santana agreed.

"Peace?" Brittany asked hopefully.

"Peace"

"So we are okay?"

"We are okay," Santana leaned across to kiss the blonde.

Rachel was prepared for a lot of things, even leaving her own bed to the reconciled couple. She surely didn't expect Santana to lie down again, kiss her forehead and whisper a good night.

"Good night, Rach," Brittany echoed, kissing her neck, before sneaking her arms around the brunette's waist.

Maybe it was then that it started. Or maybe it was when she went with the two Cheerios to the movies, not to suggest the movie that the other girl would like more, but to see the one that she, Rachel Barbra Berry, wanted to see.

"Rachel?" Tina interrupted her musing.

"Yes?"

"Do you remember when I told you that Artie complained about my style? And you told me to make him appreciate my clothes? Well, I thought about it, it's a great idea. What exactly would you suggest for some dressing up, because…"

Rachel groaned, letting her head hit the lockers behind her: why everyone seemed to think that she was a couples counselor?

She had no experience with being in a couple….and she was involved in threesome, for God's sake!

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_The exact prompt was : Brittany and Santana have a fight about some aspect of their relationship. Later Rachel stumbles across Brittany crying/sulking and ends up listening to Britt's problems and fixes things between the girls with her signature awkwardness._  
_Things go back to normal until B and S have another tiff and this time Santana is the one who seeks out Rachel._  
_Somehow Rachel Berry has become the confessor for Brittana. Her normal routines become disrupted whenever one of the other girls have a problem (no matter how small or insignificant). And God help her if she tries to escape her 'responsibilities'._  
_Bonus points if Rachel ends up in a relationship with the two girls and isn't quite sure how it happened._  
_X2 if other people start coming to Rachel for mediation._

**I couldn't find the link, but if you do or know who the prompter was, please tell me! ****Also, tell me what you think if you want, been a while since I wrote something so...**

**Thank you anyway for reading until the end, and I hope you enjoyed this silly piece**


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